1	MS Professionals Health Program 31^st Annual Caduceus Club Family Retreat July 11, 2009 Tame the Anger Monster W Hugh Furr, PhD, LPC, LMFT 601-362-3583 LPC1991@gmail.com http://www.hughfurr.com/
2	ADDICTED TO ANGER Two Theories on Anger Resolution: "Build-up/Blow-up" and "Expressive Anger"
3	ADDICTED TO ANGER A Different Theory of Anger: Rage as an Addiction
4	Anger Myths Myth #1: "Aggression is the instinctive catharsis for anger.“
5	Anger Myths Myth #1 Reality: Aggression is an acquired cathartic habit, a learned reaction practiced by people who think they can get away with behaving this way.
6	Anger Myths Myth #2: “Frustration inevitably leads to aggression.”
7	Anger Myths Myth #2 Reality: “There are always choices; anger is only one of several possible responses to frustration.”
8	Anger Myths Myth #3: "Talking out anger gets rid of it - or at least makes you feel less angry.“
9	Anger Myths Myth #3 Reality: A series of studies indicates that the overt expression of anger can increase it. Before speaking out, evaluate whether you want to stay angry or not.
10	Anger Myths Myth #4: "Tantrums and other childhood rages are healthy expressions of anger that forestall neuroses.“
11	Anger Myths Myth #4 Reality: Emotions are as subject to the laws of learning as any other behavior.
12	Anger Myths Myth #5: “A person’s anger is caused by others.”
13	Anger Myths Myth #5 Reality: “Anger is triggered by people and events outside your control. How you respond to your anger thoughts and feelings is up to you.”
14	Anger Myths Anger: The Misunderstood Emotion by Carol Tavris.
15	Points to Consider By taking response-ability for my anger, I can take charge of my life. What anger myths have I bought into that justify my anger? Have I let anger control my life? Am I willing to take response-ability for what I do with my anger and my life?
16	Points to Consider Anger has cost me dearly. Freeing myself from my struggle with anger is a way out of the anger trap. Have I (and others) suffered enough from the effects of my anger behavior? Am I willing to give up trying to manage my anger feelings and try something different?
17	Points to Consider I am not my thoughts and feelings. I can learn to become an observer of, rather than a participant in, my anger. Do I really need to hide and protect myself from feeling hurt, shame, fear, and inadequacy?
18	Points to Consider Trying to control the uncontrollable is the problem. Where do I needlessly try to apply control in my life? What have my vain attempts at control cost me? Am I willing to give up trying to control what I cannot control so I can move forward with my life?
19	Points to Consider Show comassion to what your evaluative mind comes up with and learn to ride the wave of anger. Do I really have to believe all the judgements that my mind dishes up for me all the time? Am I willing to learn to see judgements as thoughts and not act on them?
20	Points to Consider Acceptance is a vital and courageous activity. Patience paired with acceptance can lead me to a new experience. Am I willing to accept myself with all my flaws, weakness, and vulnerabilities? Am I willing to forgive others and myself so I can move on and reclaim my life?
21	Points to Consider I can learn to watch my anger thoughts, feel the pain, and honor the hurt with mindful acceptance. Am I ready to separate my thoughts and feelings from my actions so I can make more effective choices?
22	Points to Consider When my behavior is in alignment with my values, my life is worthwhile. Am I living consistently with my values, or am I letting anger and emotional pain derail me? Am I ready to start moving in the direction of my values and take anger, hurt, and joy along for the ride?
23	Points to Consider Practicing gratitude and appreciation, forgiveness and patience, are the most powerful antidotes to anger. Am I willing to choose the path of forgiveness and extend kindness to myself and others? Am I willing to face life with patience, appreciation, compassion and kindness so that I can move on with my life?
24	Points to Consider Act on Life not on Anger by Georg Eifert, Matthew McKay and John Forsyth.
25	Signs that rage has turned into an addiction Self-Stimulating/Reinforcing Compulsion Obsession Denial Withdrawal and Craving Unpredictable Behavior
26	Anger Self-Assessment 1. I've had trouble on the job because of my temper. 2. People say that I fly off the handle easily. 3. I don't always show my anger, but when I do, look out. 4. I still get angry when I think of the bad things people did to me in the past.
27	Anger Self-Assessment 5. I hate lines, and I especially hate waiting in line. 6. I often find myself engaged in heated arguments with the people who are close to me. 7. At times I've felt angry enough to kill.
28	Anger Self-Assessment 8. When someone says or does something that upsets me, I don't usually say anything at the time, but later I spend a lot of time thinking of cutting replies I could and should have made. 9. I find it very hard to forgive someone who has done me wrong.
29	Anger Self-Assessment 10. I get angry with myself when I lose control of my emotions. 11. I get aggravated when people don't behave the way they should. 12. If I get really upset about something, I have a tendency to feel sick later (frequently experiencing weak spells, headaches, upset stomach or diarrhea).
30	Anger Self-Assessment 13. When things don't go my way, I "lose it.“ 14. I am apt to take frustration so badly that I cannot put it out of my mind. 15. I've been so angry at times I couldn't remember what I said or did.
31	Anger Self-Assessment 16. Sometimes I feel so hurt and alone that I've thought about killing myself. 17. After arguing with someone, I despise myself. 18. When riled, I often blurt out things I later regret saying. 19. Some people are afraid of my bad temper.
32	Anger Self-Assessment 20. When I get angry, frustrated or hurt, I comfort myself by eating or using alcohol or other drugs. 21. When someone hurts me, I want to get even. 22. I've gotten so angry at times that I've become physically violent, hitting other people or breaking things.
33	Anger Self-Assessment 23. I sometimes lie awake at night thinking about the things that upset me during the day. 24. People I've trusted have often let me down, leaving me feeling angry or betrayed. 25. I'm an angry person. My temper has already caused lots of problems, and I need help changing it.
34	Anger Self-Assessment Scoring the Anger Self-Assessment If you answered true to 10 or more of these questions, you are prone to anger problems. It's time for a change. If you answered true to 5 questions, you are about average in your angry feelings, but learning some anger management techniques can make you happier.
35	Anger Self-Assessment Anger Busting 101 by Newton Hightower.
36	A Recovering Rager's Creed I will practice self-restraint as a top priority today. When angry, I will act the opposite of how I feel.
37	A Recovering Rager's Creed If I am feeling like my anger is about to erupt, I will QUIETLY leave the situation. I will find truth in all criticisms directed toward me today, especially from my partner.
38	A Recovering Rager's Creed I will say, "You are right," in a sincere, meaningful way when criticized. I will give an example of how the person who criticized me is right.
39	A Recovering Rager's Creed I will repeat this silently to myself: "I am better off being wrong, because when I am right, I am dangerous." I will avoid explaining myself in any way by saying, "I have no idea why I did that... it doesn't make any sense to me either."
40	A Recovering Rager's Creed I will listen sympathetically to my partner when she tells me about her day. I will make eye contact and turn off the TV. I will give no unsolicited advice to my wife or children. I will also avoid asking, "Do you know what you should do?" or "Do you know why that happened?" I will avoid blaming family members for anything today, especially if it was their fault.
41	A Recovering Rager's Creed I will avoid trying to make any family member "understand.“ I will avoid trying to convince my child or spouse that I am being fair.
42	A Recovering Rager's Creed I will look for an opportunity to sincerely praise everyone I live with, even the cat I don't like. I will humbly commit myself to removing my angry behaviors today as my contribution toward a more peaceful world.
43	A Recovering Rager's Creed Anger Busting 101 by Newton Hightower.
44	Resources: Anger Busting 101 by Newton Hightower. Anger Busting 101 Workbook by James Baker. Act on Life not on Anger by Georg Eifert, Matthew McKay and John Forsyth. Anger: The Misunderstood Emotion by Carol Tavris. Slowing Down to the Speed of Life by Joe Bailey.